Secret Journey
by raedbard
Summary: Season 4: After a night of birthday goodness, Giles has a dream that reveals something he hadn't quite seen before.


**Author:** Raedbard  
**Rating:** PG  
**Pairing:** Giles/Tara  
**Timeline:** Season 4, somewhere between 'A New Man' and 'Restless'  
**Summary:** After a night of birthday goodness, Giles has a dream that reveals something he hadn't quite seen before.

SECRET JOURNEY

_Upon a secret journey, I met a holy man..._

Applause; heavy sating applause greeted the end of his first song. Giles blushed a little, shifting on the uncomfortably high stool at the end of the serving bar which ran through the centre of the cafe. It was all very gratifying, and almost liberating. Almost. Those last three minutes of song had flown him away from everything he recognised. The peace of the melody, the curiosity in the harmony and his grounding in the rhythm of a simple tune was a little like meditation.

He hadn't noticed Tara there at all. The girl had a way of just retreating into your mental background until all you remembered was a quick and nervous head-dip and the glint of blonde hair. But she had waited for him to finish the set, watching him longer and longer, until he forgot she was shy at all.

"You were...uh, very good, Mr. Giles."

"Oh...er, thank you. Very much. But I'm just an amateur really."

She shook her head, eyes dropping to her feet, "No, no. It was beautiful."

He was touched then, so of course had no idea what to say.

"Er...how did you know I would be here?"

She laughed a little, nervous, "A l-lucky guess."

"You're by yourself? No Willow or Xander?"

"Well, that's, uh...really why I came to find you. You have to come, they've got something they have to tell you."

"Happy birthday, Giles!"

He stood, rather stunned, in the doorway of his apartment. Inside all was bright and festive, a sweet small of magic hanging in the air and little orbs of enchanted light flitting around the room, reflecting the excitement on Willow and Xander's faces. He grinned at them, speechless for the second time that night.

"Do you like it, Giles? Me and Tara stayed up all last night trying to get the fairy lights right, real fairies being in short supply and all."

"It's beautiful, Willow. Thank you."

"We just thought you deserved a little birthday-fun Giles-time...a-and we felt bad over how neglect-y we've been lately."

"And we also thought we should crash said Giles-time and raid your fridge, which, may I say is amply stocked."

"Thank you, Xander. It's nice to see you too."

Giles smiled at them, genuinely pleased. He had forgotten lately how thoughtful they could be, how welcome they could make him feel. He stepped across his threshold, then turned around to Tara, who was still standing behind him.

"Come in, please?"

She smiled at him for a fleeting moment, and he was surprised at how happy such a small gesture made him. He smiled back, and ushered her inside.

It had been a pleasant...gathering. He was sure of that, even if he didn't actually, at this precise moment remember the better part of it. Xander had insisted on making him tea and, although Giles had never heard of a tea-based hangover, he was becoming suspiscious that the strange-smelling concoction which Xander had proudly thrust into his hands some two hours ago was at the root of the persistant thrumming his brain was currently engaged in. He groaned slightly and made an undignified and ultimately unsuccesful attempt to get up from the couch.

The magical laterns had begun to fade. His gaze was drawn to them as they hovered in the corners of the room, spreading a golden glow across his apartment. They were mesmerising and quite beautiful, making him drowsy despite the pain in his head. His eye followed the trail of light they left as they travelled from dim corner to dim corner, illuminating books and pictures; the still-unsorted detritus of his apartment. He was still trying to follow them when he fell asleep.

"Rupert."

"Hmmmm?"

The soft voice repeated his name, sounding a little amused. Giles opened his eyes to see, blurred, a girl; blonde hair that seemed haloed with light, a smile and a tilt of the head.

"Tara?"

"Yes. Don't worry, I'm here to help."

"I can't see..."

"I know. It's meant to be that way, it's where the strength comes from."

"But...if I can't see..."

"You have to trust, Rupert. It will come."

He looks at her, trying to focus. She smiles and points across the landscape, "Look - it's raining."

She comes to him and raises him from the ground. Her dress brushes his face; soft like silk against his skin, cool and tactile, making him want. She takes his hand.

"Come on, you have to go to the light."

He turns to look over his shoulder where, as if through an invisible doorway, he can see the others, surrounded by books and papers, darkness on all sides.

"But, what about them? I can't leave them...I have to tell them - "

"No, you can't. It's all about the journey."

"Where am I going?"

She smiles, "To the light."

"Are you the guide?"

"No, I'm the secret."

_And on the days that followed, I listened to his words. I strained to understand him, I chased his thoughts like birds..._

He walks until the rain stops and the trees have faded to desert, where the light of before is so distant he can hardly remember it and darkness surrounds him. He sings to the sky with his eyes closed, notes of pain chasing the birds from the night and unstopping the rain.

"That's beautiful."

He opens his eyes and sees her clearly, her hair like coloured lights against black skies.

"I can see you."

"You'll always find me. You know my name now."

"Tara."

"Yes."

_You will see light in the darkness, you will make some sense of this and when you've made your secret journey, you will find this love you miss..._

The lanterns were still burning when he opened his eyes, somewhat blearily, the next morning. His head felt distinctly odd, just as it had last night. Evidently whatever Xander had put in that tea, intentionally or otherwise, had not been meant to be there. Still, it had been a kind gesture, although he was never to be allowed in Giles' kitchen ever again. He managed to get up from the couch on the second try and began staggering over to the remnants of the previous night's adventure, when there was a knock at the door.

"Just coming!"

He opened the door to see a blonde head made golden in the sunlight.

"Tara."

"We, uh, Willow and me...we left some stuff, uh, magic...stuff, here last night. Could I...?"

"Please, come in."

She smiled at him, and this time he saw why it gave him such joy. Giles took her hand as she stepped across the threshold, and, in the corner of the apartment over by the window, the last of the lanterns glowed a little brighter, and then winked out.

You will see light in the darkness, you will make some sense of this. You will see joy in this sadness, you will find this love you miss.

© 'Secret Journey' lyrics by Sting


End file.
